throwback: one year (and other stuff)

it's late and my brother is snoring like MAD (and i think the people above us hear it and... are they stomping on their floor?? ^^;;...). but it's ok. the poor kiddo has a cold *patpat*. if any of you are scoffing at the lack of ability to sleep right now, YOU try sleeping through 10 decibel weird breathing/snoring... :'(

i started this post today (saturday morning!) before finding out that 15 unwritten pages of chinese literature commentary were due monday. don't worry-- i think that'll be under control... i think... besides, it's currently too late to mention and too early to function.

last doulos meeting of the semester AND jean song left! sad...

some random piece of the conversation (dan talking about learning how to conduct from watching curious george... haha) made my mind wander (what a rare occurrence :P) to thinking about how i missed orchestra and how our communities=orchestras=one body. does that make sense?? if so, this may be the best extended metaphor EVER hehe

one of the best feelings ever ever EVER is being part of a musical ensemble. maybe i personally like it better because of tendencies to be a mindless follower (i'm trying to change!), but i love playing my instrument in a group, listening to the countermelodies and harmonies; frantically reading my music because i don't practice (and it is a much better experience when i DO practice haha); watching the conductor and everyone else get into the music; feeling my heart swell as our music swells and diminishes together... mm :)

though each player may have a radically different part, music is a collective experience-- it is only complete, and much better when all parts are put together.

so that was saturday morning!... i don't really remember where i was going with that T.T sighsighsigh. i think the orchestra really does serve as a beautiful model of one functioning body with different, integral parts... perhaps the way Christ intended our church to be, forever worshipping Him :D horray!

update: charley's strange breathing/snoring noises have been interrupted by a cough-- wait-- back to loudness. sigh... it was good keeping me up to write the essays. perhaps this time to think will be good :) i've wanted to think about this year since senior sendoff anyhoo ^^

i'm going to miss the presence of certain seniors next year. despite smallness of stature of some (teehee), their presence is so huge... a reminder of God's faithfulness/ great gifts through the people in our lives. it's going to be hard letting go of a kindred spirits, sisters, brothers, AND role models... even harder when some embody all (only one of the genders please!!!) simultaneously. wahh TT.TT

i guess it'll be okay if they leave, though. perhaps all that crap about doors opening and closing isn't that scary :) because this year has definitely taught me to love people i never knew how to love before, more. despite all our differences-cultural, social, economical- that may separate us in secular life, it's reassuring to see that Jesus always binds with something much greater, reaching over crazy strong bonds. whether we are korean or chinese, geek/prep/ditz/emo/etc, homeless or student, old or young; the fact that Jesus first loved has proven a strong motivator to recognize and rip down self-made barriers and unite us more as a body of followers. i learned repentance that grows alongside love of the unlovely. i recognized false fruit (counterfeits!). i caught idols sneaking into my life. i forgot a lot that i (hopefully) will remember. perhaps most importantly of all, i made a baby step in the direction of greater trust and assurance in God and His promises, confidence that what comes is good for us, surrender to fulfillment of His Kingdom through worship that permeates my life, and delight in the greatness of it all.

God really has been faithful this year... not only in numbers in fellowships, or as expressed by outward emotion seen by people, but by quietly working and guiding in individual lives. the best thing is that this all happened even to me, despite the fact that i suck at discipline, harbor bitterness, spout angry words at others, and lack respect. not bad, God... not bad :P

the lil bro has quieted down some... perhaps it's time to sleep. oh jk. man... the kid sleepmumbles too?! perhaps it's couchtime for jin. i wonder what i do in my sleep now. if he starts sleepwalking, i'm going to MAKE him wake up... rar