"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard

there's a lot of escape going on in life lately. hard as it is to be confrontational, it's an inevitability. comeee on jin

... but you still backtrack sometimes.

one thing that prevents me from loving people enough is my fear that i'll do something they don't like. this means that i love them more than God. what an ironic two sentences.

but i'm learning not to be so afraid of people with God. unlearning other things you've learned is a hard process... but it's rewarding

i thought my time management was getting better, but i still have relapses of sloth. i just learned today, though, that that's a part of the process.. :P

even so, i see evidence of myself being more driven in my academic life-- an improvement, but still not nearly enough. after all, i'm here on blogger when i should be reading for class.

also, it's strange how i love people but don't love them nearly enough. i've been blessed with people who reach out, though.

i feel like a lukewarm, dysfunctional robot.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -- cs lewis *(AGAIN)

i need to learn to be more vulnerable... i don't want to be irredeemable

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i talked to dr. calhoun today, and this man is amazing.  his words cut to the heart of my concerns and reassure me that i can follow God with my plan and still honor my parents, even if they may be hurt by my decision (which is completely understandable).  it's so funny, though... his "don't get mad at them" was the most useful :) well placed, dr. calhoun ^^

msw or md.  apparently i can't msw it first.  i feel that the road is splitting and i really have to make the choice

i wonder if my parents wouldn't worry about grad school/med school as much if i had a boyfriend by now.  or would they?  i don't really think so.  sad.

grad school it is

tom galpin gave a sermon today and i realized how i'm going to miss his pulpit deepness.  

2 cor 11:22-31

Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known
1 cor 13.12

jennipenni is engaged. !!!!!!! !!!!! i still remember when i took the picture above... four years ago. time flies

i guess it's inevitable... the girls will be reunited :D

congrats jennipenni :)

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

- C.S. Lewis

:( i forget that i have to let my heart be broken sometimes

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vHReQQnMVQo&NR=1

:)

i keep forgetting...

shane and shane

the answer

i've tried more of me
and i've come up dry
trading You for things
things that go away
my happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
my happiness is found in less
of me and more of You

i have found the answer is
to love You and be loved by You alone
alright! alright! alright!
You crucify me and the world to me
and i will only boast in You
alright! alright! alright!

i'm so satisfied
at the thought of You
growing up in me
covering everything
my happiness is found in less
of me and more of You
my happiness is found in less
of me and more of You

You are, You are (loved by me)
You are, You are (You're loved by me)
You are, You are (You're loved by me)
You are, You are, You are


also, need to look forward...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_EyI4p0yjDQ

i neeeeed to stop sleeping so much :( it seems like everything's been giving me an excuse to sleep... excessive cold, people, studying? nooo

i don't think it's a coincidence when people ask for advice on the exact same thing you're struggling on

cosmic

tree of knowledge of good and evil

until yesterday, i never really grasped the fact that the tree of knowledge of good and evil could have been thus named as an object lesson, and not because it could only give you such knowledge if you ate it. MIND BLOWING

sometimes i feel sooooooooooooo slow