"Life can only be understood backwards; but it must be lived forwards." - Soren Kierkegaard

there's a lot of escape going on in life lately. hard as it is to be confrontational, it's an inevitability. comeee on jin

... but you still backtrack sometimes.

one thing that prevents me from loving people enough is my fear that i'll do something they don't like. this means that i love them more than God. what an ironic two sentences.

but i'm learning not to be so afraid of people with God. unlearning other things you've learned is a hard process... but it's rewarding

i thought my time management was getting better, but i still have relapses of sloth. i just learned today, though, that that's a part of the process.. :P

even so, i see evidence of myself being more driven in my academic life-- an improvement, but still not nearly enough. after all, i'm here on blogger when i should be reading for class.

also, it's strange how i love people but don't love them nearly enough. i've been blessed with people who reach out, though.

i feel like a lukewarm, dysfunctional robot.

"Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable." -- cs lewis *(AGAIN)

i need to learn to be more vulnerable... i don't want to be irredeemable

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i talked to dr. calhoun today, and this man is amazing.  his words cut to the heart of my concerns and reassure me that i can follow God with my plan and still honor my parents, even if they may be hurt by my decision (which is completely understandable).  it's so funny, though... his "don't get mad at them" was the most useful :) well placed, dr. calhoun ^^

msw or md.  apparently i can't msw it first.  i feel that the road is splitting and i really have to make the choice

i wonder if my parents wouldn't worry about grad school/med school as much if i had a boyfriend by now.  or would they?  i don't really think so.  sad.

grad school it is

tom galpin gave a sermon today and i realized how i'm going to miss his pulpit deepness.  

2 cor 11:22-31